dear diary (bathroom ettiquette) 11/11/2008

dear diary,
ever wonder why the bathroom line for the women's restroom is so long? i think i know the answer. they lack rules. allow me to explain. there are what we like to call "unwritten rules". we all know what an unwritten rule is, an example of one is you don't steal your friends' guy / girl, or you walk on the right side of the aisle in a grocery store to name a few. there are these rules for men when using the restroom. men i'm sure you'll agree with me on this. i will set up the list of rules below. please, if i have forgotten any of them be sure to let me know.
RULES:
1. there is to be no talking while using the restroom
2. you are to stare STRAIGHT AHEAD while using the urinal
3. if only the middle urinal is open, you are to use the toilet, or wait for another urinal to open up. but you don't make it obvious you're waiting. you go check yourself out at the mirror, wash your hands, pretend you're getting a phone call. that way, men already using the urinals don't feel rushed.
4. if you have your choice of urinals to use, you choose the farthest urinal from the entrance, the next person should skip the urinal next to you and use the next one...and so forth.
you see, by following a few simple rules and guidelines you can make your bathroom experience a fast, painless, and even enjoyable one. ladies, when was the last time your man told you he had to "go freshen up"? probably never. i went to a carolina panthers football game a couple of weeks ago, and i was surprised at the line for the women's bathroom. it wrapped around the corner. the mens room? no line. why? i'll tell you. we follow rules. the women's bathroom was louder than the playing field. need i say more? so in the future, i don't want to hear women complain that the line is too long. shut up, do your thing, and get out. that's what we do, and it seems to work fine. i'm not going to be upset if i see someone i know in the bathroom and he doesn't say hi to me. there are rules. he's not supposed to say hi. a simple head nod would suffice. great, now i have to use the bathroom.

i love you,
maynard