dear diary,
i love this time of year. i think everyone does. i'm going to exploit what i DON'T like about this year. mainly, the premature christmas carols on the radio. don't get me wrong, i like hearing it after thanksgiving, but not any time before...i heard a guy sing a christmas jingle over the weekend and it prompted me to think about the lyrics. i've broken down my all time most hated song (the christmas shoes) before, but here's one that needs broken down. so without further ado, here it goes (this is also by request...you're welcome kaitlynn).
"jingle bells, batman smells, robin layed an egg, the batmobile lost its wheel and the joker got away".
i hate this jingle. first of all, i don't sit around in my christmas sweater (i'm hoping to get one this christmas if anyone feels so inclined to buy me one...size XL) drinking my egg nog and singing this nonsense jargan. i've researched this version and the author is unknown. i would be unknown too if i wrote this for fear of getting the crap kicked out of me every year. it is traced back to the early 70's. right away, we're lead to believe that we're going to sing the timeless classic of "jingle bells" and then some snot nosed dirty mouthed kid that smells like he's been outside for the past 2 hours running and rolling around in the dirt decides to over power everybody by shouting "batman smells". to which i reply, does he? and how do you know this? does he smell like you? because you smell. and what is batman doing running around fighting crime with a bird? everyone knows that the bird "robin" lays eggs. robin (the crime fighting tight sporting homo doesn't lay eggs). now, i'm not mechanically inclined i'll be the first to admit. however, i do know how to change a tire. i would think that batman with all his money would have a better mechanic on hand that can KEEP THE TIRES ATTACHED TO THE BATMOBILE!!!! how is this possilbe? what kind of crime fighting duo do we have here? a smelly caped crusader, a bird that's laying eggs, and 3 wheeled jalopy? no wonder the joker gets away. if i were the joker, i'd want to stick around just to see what else these 2 unintelligent "crime fighters" can screw up. if i got caught, chances are pretty good i'd get away.
i love you,
maynard
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