dear diary,
first of all, let me start by saying what a powerful and attractive man i am. i know a lot of what i write about is bathroom humor. but seriously, everyone craps and pee's so there's no surprise. can you actually picture jessica alba stinking up a bathroom? anyway...i went to the bathroom, and of course washed my hands after. well, i had to use the blower so my hands didn't get completely dry. as i walked out of the bathroom i was greeted by a friend of mine, and he put his hand out for me to shake. it was at this point that several thoughts raced through my mind. should i tell him that i just washed my hands? or should i have fun? i chose the latter. i shook his hand with my not so dry hand and looked him in the face and said, "don't you hate when you pee on yourself and totally forget to wash your hands?" the smile that was on his face went to an expression of disgust in a matter of seconds. and i refused to let go. but it didn't end there. with my other hand, i patted him on the shoulder and said, "well it was good seeing you, but i have to go". and then left leaving him there with just his thoughts. i think that's my new year's resolution. to completely freak the crap out of people with bizarre, off the wall statements, and then leave.
have a good night and remember...i love you,
maynard
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